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A secretary, a paralegal, and a partner in a big law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of exotic foods, and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner.
The partner says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch."
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An Australian travel writer at the beginning of a 6-month tour of Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, asked, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."
"Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the manager.
"The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life.
He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his phenomenal memory He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life."
The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test.
"'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.
He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not's great memory.
(One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ''ello mate.') On his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later was surprised to see 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick
"How?" said the Aussie to the Chief, who again did not stop to look up.
"Scrambled," said the Chief.
For more jokes go to: LIST OF JOKES
Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time.
Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend.
As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle.
When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase.
"Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend.
This so startles the friend, that she drops the vase with a "gasp!" -- ashes and broken vase scattering all around.
After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.."
"It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal-Mart."
The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..."
"Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to quit being so lazy and use the ashtray in the kitchen from now on!"
For more jokes go to: LIST OF JOKES
There were two buddies one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck,"
so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
For more jokes go to: LIST OF JOKES
Snow White received a camera as a gift.
She joyfully took many pictures of the Dwarves, the forest, the animals, etc.
She quickly finished her first roll, and immediately took the film into town to be developed.
"How long before they're ready?" Snow asked the clerk.
He informed her it would be at least 6 days, as they had to send it to the Big City to be processed (remember, they didn't have 1-hour processing OR FedEx back then!)
After a week, she went to get the finished photos and the clerk told her they were not yet back from the processor.
"Come back next week", he said to her.
Of course, as the story goes, she returned the following week for her 4x6 glossies, but "gasped!" they still had not returned!
Snow White was so distraught that she started to sob right there at the counter.
The clerk, trying to console her, (and wanting to relax the other customers, who were already starting to shift uncomfortably, so they didn't bolt from the store) said kindly, "Don't worry, Dear... Someday your prints will come."
For more jokes go to: LIST OF JOKES
Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time.
Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend.
As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle.
When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase.
"Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend.
This so startles the friend, that she drops the vase with a "gasp!" -- ashes and broken vase scattering all around.
After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.."
"It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal-Mart."
The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..."
"Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to quit being so lazy and use the ashtray in the kitchen from now on!"
For more jokes go to: LIST OF JOKES
There were two buddies one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck,"
so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
For more jokes go to: LIST OF JOKES
Snow White received a camera as a gift.
She joyfully took many pictures of the Dwarves, the forest, the animals, etc.
She quickly finished her first roll, and immediately took the film into town to be developed.
"How long before they're ready?" Snow asked the clerk.
He informed her it would be at least 6 days, as they had to send it to the Big City to be processed (remember, they didn't have 1-hour processing OR FedEx back then!)
After a week, she went to get the finished photos and the clerk told her they were not yet back from the processor.
"Come back next week", he said to her.
Of course, as the story goes, she returned the following week for her 4x6 glossies, but "gasped!" they still had not returned!
Snow White was so distraught that she started to sob right there at the counter.
The clerk, trying to console her, (and wanting to relax the other customers, who were already starting to shift uncomfortably, so they didn't bolt from the store) said kindly, "Don't worry, Dear... Someday your prints will come."
For more jokes go to: LIST OF JOKES
The comical joke comic funny movies amusing dirty jokes excellent funny clips superior racist jokes.
